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Tips for surviving the Cliff Watch

We are eight days away from a Cliff Alexander announcement, my friends. At this time, I'd like to encourage everyone to go outside, maybe take a walk, spend some quality time with your family/significant other and stretch out those muscles. Enjoy your free time now, because as Kevin Hart says, "it's about to go down."

I know what you're thinking, "I don't want to go outside because people will look at me weird." It's ok. So what if you haven't shaved in two weeks, it's No Shave November. Yeah, you're eyes look a little blood-shot from staring at the computer screen nonstop, just say it was part of your Halloween costume. And your daughter will understand if all you can do is talk in Illinois message board lingo.

Her: Daddy, I really like Selena Gomez's new song.

You: LOL, you gotta stop drinking the kool aid. My sources say that she can't sing. Taylor Rooks hasn't confirmed it, but rumors are that she lip syncs at her concerts. OSKEE

Trust me, you'll feel a lot better. It's going to get tough next week, and having that time away from your computer chair will keep your mind fresh. Some things to remember...

1. You can't believe everything (or almost anything) you read. Be skeptical. Until the announcement is made, nothing is set in stone. (And yes, I'm going to follow this up with some info that I've just told you not to believe).

2. Do not lock yourself in an inaccessible area. Yes, you want your privacy. I know you don't want your girlfriend checking her Facebook while you're on the Cliff steak out, but there's a reason for what I said. If you have a heart-related situation because of the shock of this announcement, it will be easier to get you to the hospital if they don't have to break down the door first. Also, if in an attempt to stay awake, you light a cigar or a candle and then fall asleep, someone can come throw a blanket on you when you light on fire and don't wake up because of extreme exhaustion.

3. Have fun. How many times have the Illini been in this big of a race? The answer is, about as often as the football team has gone to the Rose Bowl. That will change in the future (on the basketball side), but enjoy the ride.

4. Exercise your fingers. I’m sure they have gotten plenty of practice over the last two weeks. Hitting refresh on your Twitter timeline or next on the message board pages can be taxing. And no thanks to Jerry Meyer for switching his pick to Illinois last night, probably has everyone’s fingers feeling the burn today after hitting refresh so many times to make sure it wasn’t just a bug in Crystal Ball 2.0. There are a variety of ways you can go with this: Chinese finger trap, practice sign language, watch the rerun of the 2005 National Championship game and alternate between flipping off the screen and pointing out which fouls on James Augustine were bush league (hint: to get the full effects, you should point four times).

5. Avoid information overload. This saga is a lot to keep up with. There is so much repeated information. So much rumored/fabricated information. Through it all, there are good things to take away, but if you get caught up reading every word about it you will drive yourself crazy. Men, imagine the words as though they are coming from your girlfriend/wife, and she has a story to tell you about work. You hear the first part about how Jenny was being a b-word in the office today, but then you put your brain in neutral until some more valuable information to the story comes along. You ignore the part about her being on her period, what awful clothes she wore, which idiot is her boyfriend, etc. But then you get to the part when she says, “so I pretended to trip and smashed her face in egg salad.” Now you’re laughing uncontrollably and you got the gist of the story. 1. Jenny is a b-word. 2. Your girl took care of it with an egg salad facial.

And ladies, don’t be offended. You do the exact same thing, I’m encouraging you to do this during the Cliff Watch. Don’t think so? How about the last time your man told you about the new Call of Duty game. Did you listen about all the cool maps, and how he likes to post up with his Barret .50cal in the upstairs bedroom of this little house on the far left side of the map, sniping anyone that walks his way. No, because you are gifted at sifting through information. Your boyfriend/husband is in love with the new Call of Duty and the guns are really cool; that’s what you take away.

At this point, I think you’re ready to survive the Cliff Watch. Here’s the most recent update (VIP)…

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